Barbie Wisdom

My sister and I went to see the Barbie movie together last weekend. I went in with a lot of built-up anticipation, and it did not disappoint.

Since I’m a leadership and organizational coach, I can’t help but get a little philosophical about how it applies to leadership and the world of work. I extended the fun and wrote a blog post capturing a non-exhaustive list of favorite quotes that inspired the work- and leadership-related lessons I took from the Barbie movie.

If you’ve somehow managed to resist the hype and haven’t seen the movie yet, there are spoilers in the text that follows. (I attempted to include enough explanation of the plot to give context and meaning to the quote and takeaways.) If you want to keep reading anyways, you may wish to rewatch the trailer(s) and clips from Warner Brothers, or even hop over to Wikipedia for a synopsis of the plot.

Leadership (and Life) Lessons from The Barbie Movie

“Every day is a good day for Barbie. Ken only has a good day if Barbie looks at him.” – Narrator

In Barbie Land, Barbie is the center of everything. As Stereotypical Barbie tells Ken, “Every night is girls’ night.” It’s Barbie “and Ken.” He’s the afterthought, only existing in relationship to Barbie. Ken eagerly wants to connect with Barbie, but she has other priorities.

Barbie’s regular rejections of Ken’s bids for connection make him feel inferior and unimportant, and that’s precisely why the Patriarchy appeals to him when he experiences it in the Real World. (Well, that, and horses.) In the Patriarchy – which Ken introduces to Barbie Land thus christening it Kendom – Ken matters and he feels respected for the first time. Even after the Patriarchy is overturned and the Kens have a bit more status in Barbie Land, Ken still has a hard time connecting to a purpose beyond Barbie.

“Maybe it’s time to discover who Ken is. You have to figure out who you are without me,” Barbie gently offers.

To this I say, amen! This is so often the starting point of the coaching work I do with clients, and it was the place I had to start when I found myself burnt-out and weighed down. We are relational beings, and we learn a lot about who we are in relation to other people, things, or experiences. However, we are not defined by other people, things, or experiences.

That being said, it’s too easy to find ourselves defined by our career and achievements, so much so that it becomes our identity (just like most Barbies). It’s a tragedy, though, because other parts of us get turned off or crowded out. As a result, we’re not fully alive.

And that’s what Barbie is offering Ken with her invitation to discover himself – aliveness. By getting in touch with his values, his talents, what he finds fun and interesting, he has a whole new life in front of him.

“I’m Kenough” Ken’s fabulous fluorescent tie-dye hoodie declares.

I believe the best leaders have done the very work that Ken has ahead of him, and that self-discovery and wholeness fuels them with the energy to successfully advance a shared vision or mission, while also empowering people to more fully be themselves – and therefore alive – at work and in life.

"I worked very hard, so I deserve it." – Nobel Laureate Barbie

As the movie begins, we get a whirlwind tour of Barbies living and working in Barbie Land. Not only is fun to be introduced to some of the actual Barbies that have been created over the years, but they help us understand the extent to which feminine power reigns supreme in Barbie Land.

Nobel Laureate Barbie is shown confidently accepting her award, saying “I worked very hard, so I deserve it.” I found myself a little bit startled by her bold statement, and it stuck with me. In reflection I realize it’s only because of the stark contrast to how we’re taught to minimize our success and defer recognition.

I’m not saying that humility should go out the window, nor that it’s just about working hard. Results and impact along the way absolutely matter.

However, let’s remind ourselves and others to own and proudly celebrate our awesomeness and the good we create in the world as we navigate our workplaces as leaders and colleagues.

“This makes me emotional and I’m expressing it. I have no difficulty holding both logic and emotion at the same time, and it does not diminish my powers. It expands them.” – Lawyer Barbie

On another stop in our orientation to Barbie Land, we hear Lawyer Barbie make these statements in the courtroom. And wow – such comments might go so far as to be considered sacrilege in the real courtroom!

I cheer, though! I believe there’s an era of feminine leadership unfurling in the real world. I’m still in the process of developing what a feminine leadership model looks like in practice. (It isn’t about females in leadership. It’s a leadership style or approach just as accessible to males in leadership.) What I know is that Lawyer Barbie captures one key piece of it.

Emotions are superpowers.

Our ability to observe our thoughts and emotions makes us human, but many settings expect us to turn emotions off. We’re asked to be passionate about our work, but without the full range of emotions, and that just doesn’t add up.

In a culture where logic and data are nearly worshipped, emotions serve as another layer of information that we can tap to expand awareness and insights.

Feminine leadership is about bringing the heart and spirit back into the world of work and leadership. Intellect, data, hierarchies, and timelines are all very good things! But they are also very masculine in nature. We’re lacking the balance of elements that are more in line with flow, emotions, and intuition – the feminine elements. Bringing these together, just like the balance and wholeness of yin and yang, opens up so many expansive possibilities.

“I’m a man with no power. Does that make me a woman?” – Aaron Dinkins

Unlike in the Real World where it’s hard to separate from “normal”, it’s impossible to miss The Patriarchy when it leaks into Barbie Land.

Let’s be clear. When I talk about the Patriarchy, I’m not referring to men as a group of humans and individuals. It’s the pervasive system and structures of hierarchy, separation, and control that forces or reinforces submission of groups or identities.

In our real world of work, the patriarchy shows up, amongst other things, in hustle culture, gender expectations / double-standards, being talked over in meetings, having others take credit for ideas or successes… I could go on. That’s just the day-to-day in-your-face experience, not to mention pay gaps, lack of diversity and much-to-be-desired family and mental health leave.

What’s more, the Patriarchy tells us that all of these things are the individual’s problem, so the individual need to fix it themselves. They’re not cut out for it. They just need to work harder. They need to learn a power stance or shake hands more firmly. Maybe they just need to get over it.

However, the truth is there are some real cracks in the wellbeing of the corporate system. I believe we have a collective responsibility to address the systemic burnout and self-doubting beliefs that individuals experience as a result. As leaders, we have a responsibility to look for opportunities to create workplaces and teams that build people up.

While there are significant changes that need to happen top-down, Barbie shows us that we can create very real change in everyday moments, too. We can encourage by seeing each other’s strengths, engage collaboratively rather than competitively, and we can work on remembering our inherent value and worth.

*This is a grossly oversimplified treatment of this topic.

"Note to the filmmakers: Casting Margot Robbie is the wrong person you want to make this point." – Narrator

After the utopian Barbie Land is turned into Kendom (in which the Patriarchy and men reign supreme, replete with barbies as maids and submissive girlfriends serving brewskis to the kens), Barbie breaks down and doubts that she can fix the disaster that’s come of their world. “I’m not pretty anymore,” and “I’m not good enough for anything,” she sobs.

Barbie is meant to inspire girls to believe they can do anything. She’s designed to represent the idealized version of beauty, and to inspire girls to believe they can do anything. And yet, even Barbie experiences self-doubt and the feeling of not being good enough as she is put into new experiences and as she comes up against impossible expectations. (*clearing throat* - The Patriarchy.)

The movie’s creators used Helen Mirren’s voice-in-the-sky narration to point out that it’s ridiculous to hear these words from the lips of the talented and gorgeous Margot Robbie.

However, when it comes to imposter syndrome in real life, this irony is exactly how it plays out. The thoughts and feelings around being an imposter are far from the truth. In fact, by definition the person experiencing imposter thoughts is talented (and gorgeous, I might add) while experiencing very common doubts.

From now on when I’m feeling like an imposter, I’m going to cast Helen Mirren as my voice-in-the-sky to laugh off the false thoughts and get back into confidence.

“I know it!” – Old woman at the bus stop

Barbie has to go to the Real World to find who is playing with her with such sadness that thoughts of death, flat feet, and cellulite are leaking into Barbie Land. After some serious culture shock in real world Venice Beach, Barbie sits down at a bus stop to tap into wisdom for finding the girl she’s meant to find. As she opens her eyes from a montage of memories with very real-world, raw emotions and griefs of growing up, Barbie looks with awe at the old woman knitting on the opposite side of the bench.

“You’re so beautiful,” Barbie says to the old woman.

“I know it!” the woman responds, with surprising Barbie-esque enthusiasm and joy.

I see you. Your life and your journey have gifted you with wisdom. Your imperfection is perfection. That makes you beautiful.

That’s what I want my clients to take away from working with me. Full stop.

That’s the truth that I believe needs to be at the core of leadership in life and at work. It’s from this truth that I believe we can perform our best and stretch into the growth zone.

“I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us.” – Gloria

Articulating the struggle between ordinary, real-life humans and the unreasonable expectations that we place on ourselves, America Ferrera delivers a standing-ovation-worthy monologue about the impossible line women walk.

Her words are worthy of their own blog post altogether, so I’m keeping this one brief.

The bottom line is that we’re killing ourselves by trying to be the impossible. Yet again, the truth is that the imperfection of being human, of experiencing the highs and lows and mundane middles, of practicing loving ourselves and others more fully – that is perfection.

While the Barbie movie is steeped in feminism, I found that it is even more about humanism.

People are complex, messy, and beautiful. And that means the world is the same.

But that also means we can make the world (perhaps starting with our work worlds) better bit by bit, just by leading the way with more awareness, acceptance, kindness, and grace for ourselves and everyone we come in touch with.